A promise not yet seen.

This week we have been reading about Abram and the promises given to him by God and his journey through those promises. As I was reading Gen. 15 I loved Abram's boldness to ask God for a son, and then in Gen. 16 I was appalled by Sarai and Abram's sin. They had just be given the promise from God that their offspring would be as numerous as the stars, and instead of waiting on the Lord, they take matters into their own hands. This is where Sarai gives Abram the plan of having a child through Hagar her servant. And Abram, just as Adam had done, choose to follow Sarai into sin instead of loving her enough to lead her out. After finishing my read tonight I knelt to pray and like Abram boldly asked for something.

Over the last year God has graciously been deepening my desire for him and his Word. During this time He has also been giving me the vision and desire to move back to full-time ministry. This entire year my heart has been aflamed by this desire. I have been looking for every way possible to bring this to fruition. This anxiousness to go right away has even caused strife between my wife and I. I really think I felt that if I didn't go NOW that the desire would go away and I would settle back into a "normal" and serve God "when I could."

So tonight as I knelt to pray I asked God to take me from my current work and bring back to full-time ministry, and then the Spirit of God showed up. God began leading me right back through His Word that I had just read. He showed me that I was playing Sarai in the promise He had given me. He gave me the heart to be back on the mission field and then almost immediately began the process to get me there, and I just couldn't see it through my sin. One of the "obstacles" to Amy and I heading back to mission field is some student loans that we have. This was something we felt God was saying to take care of before going. Last spring after coming to this, I lost my job. This made no sense to me. God then provided a job that almost doubled my previous salary. He was working his plan, but again I couldn't see it. I have continued to push for this desire to happen. I saw tonight that I, like Sarai, was taking the promise into my own hands instead of waiting patiently on the Lord. The verses that were appalling to me only a few minutes earlier, became my school-master. They became convicting and drove to the face of God.

So the desire isn't burning out, in-fact God is continuing to fan the flame, causing it burn white-hot for Him and His glory. I am now seeing this time, especially this year of the Radical Experiment, not as the prolonging of God's promise, but as his time of preparation for me and my family. There would be no growth of faith if I just ran out and made it happen on my own, as Sarai did. I will now seek Him and His word with more fervor and wait in a way that builds and deepens my faith in the one who has given me this promise. I once had a friend on mine who is a missionary in Kazakhstan tell me that most people live "willing to go, but planning to stay." He went on to say that we must live in a way that's "preparing and planning to go, but willing to stay." My I remember Abram and Sarai's disobedience, and rest in God's plan and timing, all the while "preparing to go."

Praise God for the truths in his word, and his patience with us.